Shimmers of Pearl (The Pearl Trilogy, Part 3) by Arianne Richmonde

Author:Arianne Richmonde
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Romance, Erotica, Shades, Adult, Forty
Publisher: Mighty Publications
Published: 2013-02-12T23:00:00+00:00

Chapter Ten

Two days have passed and I still haven’t been back to my apartment. It feels good to be at work knowing that ‘home’ is at Alexandre’s place with him - that at the end of the day, I have my partner waiting for me. Finally, I can concentrate when I’m at work – doing something else other than obsess over lost love. Although he and I still have a lot of making up to do for lost time, or should I say, ‘making out’ to do. Like teenagers freshly fallen in love, we can’t get enough of each other.

I think back again to the way I behaved, crawling out of that toilet window at Van Nuys Airport and it feels as if it was someone else, not me. I don’t think I had fully appreciated the toll that the rape had on me; the memory flooding back in such detail – gang rape – being abused, used and made to feel like trash, as if I had no importance in the world whatsoever. People imagine it’s the physical violation that is so devastating, and although it’s true, it is nothing to what goes on inside your brain. I had hidden it deep in my subconscious, but it was still there – the feeling of worthlessness that ate into my psyche every single day for eighteen years. And whatever anybody says, however hard they try to assure you, deep down inside is that feeling of culpability - even if you know, logically, that it’s nonsense.

No, I don’t think I took it all on board and the effect it had on me. Remembering everything brought me back to that moment, that night. It made me vulnerable, a pawn for Laura. Had I not been in such a sorry state, I don’t believe that I would have been so naïve, so blind – making rash, foolish choices based on nothing but fear. I have always prided myself on being astute and on the ball, but I was like a helpless beetle that had been flipped over, flailing my weak legs in the air. My armor was on my back, not on my underbelly where I needed it most.

Or perhaps the way I handled things with Alexandre was a subconscious desire to continue punishing myself because I didn’t believe I deserved better. Alexandre said so at the time; that I was using Sophie as an excuse to run from him. It was only when I felt I’d lost him completely that I could see the situation for what it was. Me – all alone for the rest of my life. Back in The Desert. Thirsty for love. For sex. For self-worth. I’d lost the one thing that was true: Alexandre.

Alexandre gives me that sense of self worth. Having a man be so intimate with you, telling you that your private parts are ‘sweet’ and ‘delicious’ is a real gift. Few men do that. Few men make you feel really special and treasured. Yes,

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